Posted byRoz Caldwell Stanley Leave a commenton Tragedy & Tragic Loss: a repost in light of the Buffalo tragedy of May 14th 2022
My heart and prayer go out to the city and community of Buffalo, NY especially all of the families who were directly impacted and suffer loss from the shooting. Asking God to pour out His peace and comfort upon them and all of us whose hearts and souls are hurt and saddened by this horrific incident.
Mass murder causing families and communities to unexpectedly be impacted by grief on a scale that is incomprehensible and can lead to anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress, or trigger physical, emotional or mental illnesses as well as relationship problems, has hit home. Literally, in the sense that this most recent killing of multiple people is very near where I live.
Of course, when other communities suffered the effects of a mass shooting, like you, I experienced vicarious grief – a grief that comes because you can feel their pain on some level; you have empathy and compassion for those directly affected. As you see the media accounts of these incidences and listen to those whom barely survived and family members who have lost a loved one, you grieve with them.
The closer to your city, neighborhood or home that these incidents happen, can cause a greater sense of anxiety, which is fear of what can happen to me or to my loved one, my friends or my coworkers, etc.
This fear can begin to affect how you live daily along with your interactions with others. And rightly so, becoming more sensitive to what is going on around you or going to classes to better learn how to respond in a crisis, is certainly in order; this kind of sensitivity is applauded. After incidences such as these, as the Virginia Beach Police Chief mentioned, “lives have been changed forever.”
However, what can happen, is what I mentioned above, a person can be impacted in such a way that causes their functionality to be negatively impacted. Often, this is not by choice but rather by the immediate coping mechanisms that begin to operate with trauma / crisis.
The body will immediately engage in a fight, flight, or freeze mode to get through the traumatic incident as it occurs or once they’ve heard about. These responses release chemicals in the body that allows us the energy, rationality or physical or emotional response necessary to handle the moments of trauma / crisis.
The problem with coping mechanisms is that they are not intended for day to day living. When a person does not or is unable to “process their pain” in a a healthy and appropriate manner, they remain in the fight, flight or freeze mode then other coping mechanisms set in. Initially, it may seem that they or you are “handling” the aftermath of the situation well. However, eventually, inner and/or outer issues may begin to surface.
Some of these functionality issues or responses to be aware of:
Sleeping too much or unable to sleep
Easily startled
Loss of appetite or weight gain
Increased agitation
Irrational responses to situations beyond the scope of the situation at hand
Self neglect
Isolation
Neediness
Physical illness
Mental challenges (including depression, anxiety, PTSD, obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc.)
Psychosis
Addictive behaviors
Drastic changes in behavior
Unresolved/ complicated grief (deep sadness, hysterical crying, etc.)
More emotional than usual or more stoic than usual
Suspicious Behaviors
Lack of confidence
Argumentative / demanding
Neglect of normal responsibilities
Anger / rage
Only to name a few. If any of these responses begin happening to you or a person in your life, whether they be a loved one, friend, coworker or social contact, please do not ignore it! Be willing to humble yourself and talk to someone who cares about you or can find help for you. If it is a loved one, friend, coworker or social contact, friend them in a way to better informally assess them. Talk with them about what you see, if appropriate. Go beyond them, if necessary, by going to someone who has some level of influence or authority in their life. Seek out help!
Greater problems occur when issues go unaddressed and unattended to. Further problems can be nipped quickly when properly addressed. So again, please, even if it seems that you or they “got this” as we tend to say, at least pursue pastoral and/or professional assistance to be sure.
My heart grieves for and with all of the families whom lost loved ones, the people who survived the incident, those wounded and those in the hospital struggling for their lives, all of the first responders, as well as the impact upon Virginia Beach and the entire Hampton Roads area of Virginia, as your does also.
Grief is normal and is a process. It at times can be a long process, especially when due to trauma, such as shootings. We must allow ourselves and others to mourn in healthy ways for as long as needed. This will eventually lead to a healthier person and healthier society.
The most important thing that we can all do is sincerely pray for them, for us, for yourself, to process grief in a healthy manner, for eventual healing of our souls, for hope for our future, eventual mental, emotional, and spiritual resolve and a lessening of violent behaviors.
Even though the question lingers “why?” And we do not understand “how this has happened? We can chose to trust and believe that God does care and that His Word is true,
“God heals the broken-hearted and binds all their wounds”
physically, mentally, and emotionally. I pray that we can move forward with love, respect, and care for one another finding ways to be a blessing.
Roz
Rosalind Caldwell Stanley, MA, LPPC
Licensed Professional Pastoral Counselor & Healing of the Soul Ministry (HOSM) Lead Minister & Trainer
ministry4soulhealing.com
BECAUSE OF GRACE Consulting & Training Services
“helping others to achieve their goals & be their best”
Trainer, Counselor, Author, Mentor, Minister becauseofgracects.com
757 454-6393
PO Box 68063 Virginia Beach, VA23471
Check out my books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/rozcaldwellstanley
BECAUSE OF GRACE 